How Many Chamionships Have You Seen in Your Lifetime?

"How Many Championships Have You Seen in Your Lifetime?" This question was seriously posed by a Red Sox fan on a Red Sux Nation facebook page. Wasn't their inability to understand math included in one of the 7 Reasons I hate the Red Sox (and Boston Fans)? Or was it their inability to process things logically? Oh wait, I included that somewhere too! Let's throw in their inability to read. After all, the page is seeking 1,000,000 Red Sox HATERS, what are you doing there anyways?

Are Boston fans seriously this stupid? Using the minimum age requirements, over 99% of facebook users have been around for the New York Yankees to win 4 and the Florida Marlins to win 2. Congratulations Boston, you're right on par with a new expansion team for number of championships in ALL of the facebook users' lifetimes.

Let's consider the average facebook user though. Facebook started in 2004 and grew quickly and exclusively among college networks across the world. So we can safely assume the beginning user-base is now somewhere between 24 and 30 (for all of you on the 5-or-6-year plan) and have birth years of 1980-1986. This means that already at the beginning core from which facebook grew, we have been alive for the following multiple champions: Philadelphia Phillies (2x), Los Angeles Dodgers (2x), St. Louis Cardinals (2x), Minnesota Twins (2x), Toronto Blue Jays (2x), the previously mentioned Florida Marlins (2x), and the New York Yankees (5x). As facebook opened up, there is now a good portion who have seen 2 more for the Yankees, 4 for the Athletics, 3 for the Reds and 2 for the Orioles, Pirates, Tigers and Mets.Let's just stop at 1968 arbitrarily because I'm just getting too excited at how Boston Sucks.

Let's use his question to analyze other sports teams that the Chowdz love to be loud and obnoxious about. I'm willing to bet this person would use the same argument against Lakers fans if they said their team was superior. Considering the person's age, 23, this would also be an epic fail. This would put the Lakers at 6 championships in his lifetime and the Celtics at 1. So in Boston fashion, I ask you your own question about your "elite" Celtics, "How Many Championships Have You Seen in Your Lifetime?" I promise I'm not a Lakers fan, but I am a fan of what makes Boston miserable. Coincidentally, in his lifetime, the Chicago Bulls have 6, the San Antonio Spurs have 4, the Detroit Pistons have 3, and the Houston Rockets have 2. Just to be fair; in my lifetime, the Lakers have 8 and the Celtics have 3. I still love when Boston fans' arguments work against them across multiple sports though.

I don't feel like analyzing the NHL teams since the Bruins last won a cup in 1972. I do, however, enjoy that the Bruins biggest rival, the Montreal Canadiens, own them in Yankee-like proportion all-time (24-5).  So I guess you have the Patriots. While I haven't seen my Jets win a Superbowl in my lifetime, I have seen the Giants win 3 the right way. But we don't really need to get into Spygate. It was good enough seeing 18-1 and "your QB" strutting around town with a Yankees cap on. And the next time you use your "Yankees are a bunch of Cheatahs" argument, remember the George Mitchell effect and your football team's destroyed videotape.

At your city's count of 32 professional sports titles (Red Sox 7, Celtics 17, Patriots 3, Bruins 5), I expect the Yankees to surpass your entire city in my lifetime. By the way, every one of his posts were in ALL CAPS (predictable). Congratulations, you FAIL at life.

Red Sux Nation can be e-mailed at BostonSucks@RedSuxNation.Com. Massholes, please send your e-mail to interpreter@RedSuxNation.com where a team of specialists can decipher what it says and throw it in the trash after they realize it didn't have a coherent thought.